The trees blurred as we drove past them, the sky was of a particular shade of gray that meant rain. It was my 21st birthday and I opted for the thing I wanted to do for a long time, to travel far and without my family because I am always with them, and I hope you wouldn’t take it the wrong way, I love them, but there really comes a time when you would want to be away from them even for just a few hours. I just thought that I would be getting a feel of independence though not as authentic since I would be using our other car and I would be spending money my mother worked hard to earn. But nevertheless, it would be the closest thing to feeling that free. And even though Lucban was just a mere 2-hour drive from Los Baños, I took the offer.
The night before, Pat offered to drive and so we invited other SFs, and it turned out only Maja was available to be my co-passenger.
The highlight of my day, aside from the rainy walk through Lucban, was actually the ride where we listened to the songs of my youth (I brought my CD case full of my yesteryears’ music) which were surprisingly Mariah-free.
I got a real chance to ponder on those times, my yesteryears, I mean, to reminisce and look back at how far I have gone. And it seemed symbolic that I got to reminisce those things with two of my relatively new but closest friends, they seemed to embody the people I have come to value as friends. Looking back at all of the people I became friends with, I realized how people come into our lives, how some of them stay and how some of them leave. The fact is some do leave, but some do return, but that does not matter at all because whatever they do, they give us something that would contribute to the person we would become… and with that they will be part our lives forever.
The reminiscing inevitably led me to look at where I am today, to look at the person I have become—the 21-year old Jerard which was seated on the front seat of his car wearing a seatbelt, watching trees blur while on the road to a place where a lot of his fond childhood memories took place. Even with the rain on my window, I felt really blessed. I can’t even articulate how blessed I felt at that very moment.
I wanted to have this road trip to feel the freedom I so earnestly desired, but I ended feeling a different kind of freedom… A type of freedom which stems from the knowledge that I can breathe, that I have eyes to see the beauty of life, that I have hands that are capable of giving love and showing kindness, that I have a voice to speak of good things, that I have a mind which knows the difference between right and wrong, and that I have a heart that still beats despite the scars and wounds it has endured. I am free because I finally understood that I have weaknesses, that I have limitations, that I don’t have everything, that I can’t have everything, and that I can live with it… that life is worth living. And that I am who I am—blessed, loved beyond measure and undoubtedly free.
Sitting on that car seat, I was wearing my smile for I have finally experienced that particular type of freedom and inside I felt like I was flying.
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